25 Things My Mom Never Said in The 70s

Moms have a great way of telling it like it is. My mom said things to encourage us to be our best and to show us who was the boss when we were too big for our britches. However, I can guarantee she never would have said any of the following 25 things:

25 Things My Mom Never Said in The 70s

1.      Do you have your seatbelt on?

2.      Put that baby on its back to sleep!

3.      Sure, you can have a play date with the kid up the street. Just let me call her mom and arrange it on our schedules.

4.      Stop that! We do not drink from the hose! Get one of the bottled waters.

5.      Are those popsicles organic?

6.      Of course, you can have your own phone! I always feel bad that I am on it when you want to talk to your friends for hours.

7.      What can I make you for your lunch today?

8.      Make sure you get the mosquito repellent that doesn't have DEET in it.

9.      We are going to eat less red meat around here.

10.  Does anybody know where the baby wipes warmer is?

11.  Naturally, you can have a Disney Princess at your birthday party. We’ll have her set up next to the petting zoo behind the bounce house. Now, what should I put in the gift bags for your guests?

12.Thank goodness I'm number 13 on the waitlist for the right preschool.

13.  Come on, kids. We are going to the store. I'm all out of Dreft!  Do we have enough car seats?

14.  Finally found the perfect gluten-free, dairy-free, nut-free biscotti recipe for the school “winter holiday” party.

15.  Do you want a timeout?

16.  Is that a participation trophy? Wow! What an accomplishment!

17.  Do you have your bike helmet on?

18.  Wow! Gas is only $3! Thanks, President Nixon/Ford/Carter!

19.  Do you know if the new station wagons help reduce your carbon footprint?

20.  Any sentence that uses the word "sustainable."

21.  Oh no! I'm a week late to send out the invitations to your little brother’s preschool graduation!

22.  Heavens no, you can’t ride in the back of your dad’s pickup truck! It’s not safe.

23.  I’m sorry, Betty. I’ll have to call you back. My daughter wants to ask me something while I’m on the phone.

24.  You know, lLaying out in the sun all day with no sunscreen slathered in baby oil makes you look like a leather handbag when you are my age.

25.  I got a job! And it pays the same as my male counterpart’s does!

My mom was a fabulous 70s mom. My mom could change her John Denver 8-track tape and open a can of Shasta cola while driving down the interstate at 55 mph. She didn’t worry about her carbon footprint or genetically modified organisms in the Cheez Whiz she poured over the broccoli that came shaped like a frozen cube. She wore a bikini top and track shorts the whole summer long and made it look good. She also spanked us—hard, I might add—and not one of us is a delinquent sadist today.

Times have changed, and, in many ways, for the better—if only for the fact that my kids have no idea that broccoli comes frozen in a cube. Also, who can argue that sunscreen is not a good idea?

Some things are worse, of course. Does anyone besides me have heart palpitations about birthday parties for their kids? And Preschool graduations are squeal-worthy cute, but not essential.

Sadly, some things are not as different as we would like (number 25).

What hasn’t changed is how much we love our kids. That’s a concept that my 70s mom never failed to communicate to me or my brothers or sisters. That is way cool, awesome possum, groovy to the Max, dig? *

 

Was your mom a 70s mom, too? What are some things she would never say?

* She would never have said any of these phrases either.